"The Foot Man"

In February 2007, I decided to step my hustle game up. I'm a very resourceful female and I can figure out how to get shit done. I was surfin the net one day, and I came across an ad. "FOOT MAN LOOKING". I decided to peek inside and see what the business was. His ad seemed....normal, I guess. It read 'mixed male, looking to worship a woman's pretty feet'. Huh? I scrolled down a little lower in his post and noticed the compensation area {$200}. Not bad for letting someone 'worship my feet'. I decided to send this weirdo an email to inquire more.

He described himself and sent a photo.

HE WAS/IS FUCKIN GORGEOUS! 6'7, biracial, grey eyes, goatee...football player type nigga. Something has got to be wrong with this dude. I was still Skeptical to say the least. Turns out...this guy is so shy. Shy to the point where, if I had touched him, he may have passed the fuck out. I emailed him for about a week, before we decided to meet. We met at a neutral location. We had a couple of drinks to break the ice, I guess.

He expressed to me that he has loved feet for a long time. Something about pretty toes turned him on. {Now at this point, I must admit, I'm secretly thinking about fucking THEE shit out of this nigga} 'Foot Man' told me about his home life, which seemed pretty lame. He has a g/f that doesn't understand his fetish...not to say that I did either, but I was just more open to understanding it. He went on to describe what he wanted from me...."Red toes, and soft soles". Simple. Sweet.

Now at the moment, my toes were Watermelon Pink...he said it was 'acceptable', LOL. After warming up, I decided that he was sane enough. He slid me an envelope with $300 in it. I asked why the tip, and he said that he knew my 'toes' would be worth it. I felt like a pair of feet with no body attached to them, but what-the-fuck-ever, because I was like, I can buy some bad ass boots for these feet! LOL Anyway, we make it back to his place. VERY NICE HOME! Large, clean, well decorated. His bitch may be lame, but she has a sense of style similar to mine. We went up to his bedroom, and I was nervous as hell, but that soon left. I realized that I could kill the fool if need be. He was like a scared bunny rabbit. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a blunt. He said it would calm his nerves so that he could 'perform'. I'm like whatever nigga, do you. I chilled. He asked me to lay on the bed and take off my shoes and socks. I complied. I'm wet as hell, cause I know this nigga is PACKING!! I'm ready. He finishes his blunt, and lays across the bottom of the bed and stares at my feet. He asked me to wiggle my toes...I did. This nigga started growling like a bear. LOL He took off his clothes and DAMN! There it was! I swear it was glowing. 9 inches of dick...thick and hard. Mmmmm. He started rubbing my feet, and sweating while he was jacking off. I'm in awe, but only for a moment. It dawned on me...my pussy ain't getting shit...he wants my fuckin feet. I lay there....LOST.

15 minutes later-it was over. He was so excited, and I felt truly ripped off, $300 and all. I wanted that muthafucka...bad. I eventually accepted the fact the feet were his thing. Point. Blank. Period. I was there to render a service, and I did just that.

I see 'Foot Man' on the regular. He pays well, what can I say? 15-20 minutes of foot rubbing...no sweat involved? Shiiiiit...he calls and I'm there, no questions asked. The moral of this story is....A dude can be fine as hell, with a 9 inch dick, and only want your feet...if he's paying GIVE THEM TO HIM!!

The Roof...The Roof...The Roof is on FIRE!!!!!!

<---DO U SEE THAT SHIT??

So, in all of my flawed beauty, I've decided to call out a few others. Yes, Mass-Mutha-Fuckin-Destruction. Quite a few people have pet peeves. Smoking. Lying. People that smack while they eat.....the list goes on and on. My ultimate would have to be "HoodRats". Not your average, run of the mill "HoodRats" either. I mean "HoodRats" who are in denial about being what they are to the rest of the free world. I know of this one chick, {I refuse to classify this chick as a friend, because I only surround myself with the VERY best} who is decent lookin in the face, but if it weren't for her enourmous ass, she would be just 'Aiight'. She has 3 baby daddy's, 4 children, lives with a friends parents, and has no job. BUT-she manages to keep her fuckin hair laid!! I mean Cool C, straight from the city LAID! I know you're wondering "so-the-fuck-what", but her weave is always at the least 3 different colors! Come on man!! Your babies are always dirty, you have no crib, and you can manage to purchase 3 packs of weave? Forreal?

Now, I saw a photo of her on a 'social site' that shall remain nameless, and there she was 3 colors in her head, middle fingers in the air with the caption 'CLASSY' underneath the photo!!! CLASSY!!!??? WHAT?? Um-no! I feel my blood boiling and I just need to leave that shit alone.

Moving on to the actual purpose of this blog...."Fire". "Fire" is this broad, that I met through one of my closest friends. My friend has a huge heart, and basically felt sorry for this chick, so she became cool with her. "Fire" is the epitomy of a "HoodRat"...in my eyes, even if my eyes were closed. LOL She believes with all of her heart and soul, that she is THEE SHIT! So let me put it out here like this: If you live out of your trunk, steal bras{yes BRAS}, burn your man{Hence the name FIRE}, believe you are pregnant by another nigga, and fuck a plethera of niggas on the REGULAR who are not cashing out on you...you mos def qualifiy for "HoodRat" status! Not to mention this chick talks loud even when she whispers...Oh my god! I need my 'pressure pills' cause a bitch is dyin right now!! If you're a "HoodRat", know that and embrace that shit. Just stay the fuck away from me!

I know some of you all are wondering if I think I better than other people. I reply with a resounding YES!!! I do my dirt, yes indeed I do, but I know my role. I keep my mouth shut when need be...people can read a classy chick by just looking at her eyes. I don't need to get loud to get noticed. I have a college degree. I speak in complete sentences. Yeah, you see me.

I would like to end this entry with this-If people stay away from you it's for a reason. Look within and correct it. Bottom line-I truly with there was an EXTERMINATOR for "HoodRats"....they make my fuckin skin crawl, and my stomach turn. If you're offended...you JUST might be one!