{Blame It On The A-a-a-a-a-alcohol}

I love to drink. I would NEVER call myself an alcoholic....more like an 'Alcohol Connoisseur', lol. There's just something about a nice drink after a long, stressful day. My choice has and will forever be, Light. The taste of a Dark Cognac, does nothing for my palette...or for my face. You ever had a drink of something, that turned your face so wrong? Ugh! I've always been a Vodka girl...Vodka and just about anything is alrite with me.

I like chick drinks...Mojitos, Cosmos, Sex on the Beach...you know.

I never drink to get drunk, but if it does happen...when it has happened, I've ALWAYS held my composure. Which brings me to the topic of this post. Why do people get so drunk, that they cannot handle themselves?? Now...getting drunk at home is a different story. You are in an area that you're safe in. You can be yourself with no worries. I'm not saying you may not do some unflattering things {i.e. drunk texting/emailing/calling} but you are in a more private environment to do so. When you wake up, you can make apologies then, LOL

In an earlier entry, I mentioned a girl, I call "Fire". "Fire" is already at 'HoodRat' status, and to top it off, she has a bad habit of getting pissy drunk IN PUBLIC! That's a no-no. I mean...cursing, falling over, babbling, angry DRUNK. That shit is horrible. I'm not calling her an alcoholic either, but when she drinks, she doesn't handle her liquor well at all. She isn't the only female I know like this. It seems to be an epidemic.

I did not get fly, drive to the club, and meet a sexy ass nigga just to have to stop you from getting into fights. I am not with you to hold you up so that you don't fall and bust-yo-ass. I'm not kicking it with you so that I can kill my buzz, trying to make sure some perv doesn't slip something in your drink!

Most people have a sip before they hit the club. The reasons may vary from-1. I'm broke and can't afford more than one drink. 2. I'm not cute and a nigga ain't gonna buy me a drink + see #1. LOL Or just because you wanna get a head start!! Either way, if you're drinking before you hit the club, pace-your.fuckin.self when you get in there!! If someone offers to buy you a drink, you better fuckin take it, but you don't have to guzzle it. Sip that shit! There is nothing more unattractive than a drunk bitch. I always maintain my sexy. I talk alot of shit when I drink, but I'm never abrasive, or brash. I will and have been known to leave a bitch in the club for getting out of hand. If I see yo ass on Girls Gone Wild...trick, I DON'T KNOW YOU!

Not to mention, being drunk and driving is so irresponsible. I've driven with a buzz-I won't lie. But I know my limits. I've never been afraid to call a cab to drive me home, or even have someone sober take my keys. There is no reason to risk someones life because you don't know your limit! Nobody is perfect, mistakes are meant to be made and mistakes are also meant to be avoided.(Your friendly Public Service Announcement)(Now back to your regularly scheduled program)

So, the moral of this story is: If you can't hold your own in public, because you're too INEBRIATED, SHIT-FACED, PILT, HAMMERED, CRUNK, BLITZED, WASTED, INTOXICATED or PLASTERED...you need to stay your 'ignant' ass at home. I don't take my kids to the club.......

P.S. If you throw up in my shit, you getting the FUCK outta my shit. Love ya!

Thank You, Come Again!!

"I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME IN THE ASS..."

HE says to her. GOTCHA...you thought that title was about a female, huh? LOL

So while talking to my bestie....we ending up conversing about one of her play-toys. Lately, he's been interested in her doing anal on him. At first I was a little creeped out by it, but while researching online tonite, I found out that there is a literal term for women fuckin men in the ass with a strap-on, and it's called 'Pegging'. {I SO can't wait to talk to her tomorrow}

I read that 'Pegging' came about in the 1970's in porno flicks.

It's been around for a minute. I always thought that if a man wanted anything in his ass, he was automatically GAY. That was my ignorance I guess.

It turns out that some men enjoy penetration of some sort, just like we do. I guess it's no different. I think a lot of it comes from the way boys are brought up. ASS PLAY IS GAY PLAY. I figure that as long as he's not requesting that a man fuck him...it's not a big deal....or is it. To some it may be..go figure. As I stated in an earlier entry "everybody's got their thing". It could be feet, tits, genital torture {which I will discuss at a later time} or anything for that matter.

We are brought up to believe that penetration is for a man to perform on a woman-{Period} In this day and age, anything is possible. My 'current' ain't havin it!! Uh-uh! That's not to say I wouldn't be open to it. I've touched on the topic with him, and he's like "Hell NAW!! So I just left it alone. He would be thee only person I would feel comfortable trying it with, because we have history together. As it would be new to him, it's would be DAMN new to my ass....no pun intended. I never could understand though, how lesbian women don't like men, but date butch women...and get fucked with dildos?? Couldn't you just date men? Oh well.

And yes, this photo is of a woman. WOW!

I believe the world would be a much better place if we were more accepting of different things. I'm not saying we have to act on it, but just understand that, somethings that people do, are just what they do, and to them it's normal...just like some of the freaky things we do are normal to us. There are however, some exceptions to this rule: Bestiality, Children....OFF LIMITS!!

I have a few little dark, freaky secrets of my own that I plan to reveal later on in this blog of mine, so stay tuned. The moral of the story is this: Hot Dogs are always for buns!

{The Guide To Being A TRUE Bad Bitch}

Not every woman is a BAD BITCH! Let me take a few moments to break this shit down, because it is a science.

I A TRUE Bad Bitch, can turn water into wine. She knows how to make something out of nothing.

II A TRUE Bad Bitch, knows how to hold her family together...with or without a man.

III A TRUE Bad Bitch, can speak proper english when need be, but can switch that off and mesh with her 'people' at the drop of a dime.

IV A TRUE Bad Bitch, is pretty...without or without make-up...she stays fly.

V A TRUE Bad Bitch, is EDUCATED.

VI A TRUE Bad Bitch, is REAL. She speakes her mind and gets her point across.

VII A TRUE Bad Bitch, loves herself first and foremost.

VIII A TRUE Bad Bitch, keeps herself up....from head to toe. {I can't always afford to go to the salon, but I can make it do what it do {refer to I. LOL}

IX A True Bad Bitch, can pull a BAD ASS NIGGA....even if she's pulling him from another broad. LOL

X A TRUE Bad Bitch, is a WOMAN, a real WOMAN before anything else.

ANY QUESTIONS????

"The Midget"

{Well....I was just talking to my girl, and we both agree that this blogging shit is an addiction!!}

I am a very short girl...5'4. Maybe 5'7 in heels.

I tend to lean towards guys that are taller than me. I love a man that towers over me...6'0 and up. My 'current' is only 5'9, but he's still taller than me. I'm all for accepting a man for 'who he is' but if 'who he is' is shorter than me...it's not gonna work. I have standards damn it!! Some men don't like big girls, I don't like short men. My ideal man is {((6'4, Chocolate complected, with a build like Terrell Owens, Goatee, and a bald head))} If my 'current' was taller, with a more muscular build, he'd be right on track! LOL

So...let me rewind to March of '06. I was visiting my hometown, and I decided to hang out with some of my girls from high school. We decided to head to 6 Night Club. Me and the 'current' were together then, but he was hanging, and so was I. {to.say.the.least.} I was a bad bitch that night...dressed in all black with red shoes, handbag and accessories. Anyway, we get in the club and head straight upstairs. The atmosphere was real grown and sexy...with a few nobody's mixed in. Anyway, I decided to head down toward the bar. I'm leaning on the bar and, feeling my groove-when I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around, and there was a 5'5 leprechaun standing in front of me. OK! OK! OK! What the fuck? Now, I've never been one to outright disrespect anyone, this night was no exception. In his defense, other than being a 'fidget', he was fairly attractive, dressed nice and smelled superb-Issey Miyake, I later found out. I took a breath, and said hello. He said hi, complimented my ensemble and offered to buy me a drink. I obliged, all while thinkin 'Is this nigga tall enough to ride a Cedar Point rollercoaster?' Anyway, we danced, he bought a few more drinks for my girls and I, and was feeling him, I can't even lie. After the club let out, we decided to go to IHOP and just talk more. My girls weren't down, so I decided to just ride with him. 'Midget' earned more points when I saw the ride. It was a 06' Pontiac GTO. LOVED IT! Anyway we get to IHOP and the conversation is going good. I still felt a little 'turned off'. I decided to tell him how I was feeling. I told him that 'short' guys aren't my thing. He smiled, and said 'Cool'. Then he said what I hate to hear, even in these situations..."maybe we can just be friends?" Now I know you're probably thinking, that I'm mental, but I mean the friends speech was supposed to come from me. I mean, I'm the one with the height complex! LOL But whatever, it is what it is. We talked the day after, and that was that. I guess everyone has 'their type'...short just isn't my type....yeah and I think the thought of a small dick scares THEE fuck out of me.....to be continued.................................

Do Men Kiss and Tell??

I know women do!! LOL We love to share our dirty indiscretions with our girls. Big Dicks. Small Dicks. Fat Dicks. Skinny Dicks! Ate it! Didn't eat it! Whatever the case may be. We can and are always willing to Kiss and Tell. It's common practice to discuss who you 'fucked' the night before-in VIVID detail. That leads me to wonder....do men kiss and tell the same way us women do? Are they honest about the way things went down.

Do they inflate the truth to get props from the fellas?

Or do they keep things to themselves. I highly doubt that, but for some men, it may be possible.

Women are brutally honest when it comes to talking about a mans sexual performance. If men were the same way, how would we feel?

I'm sure most, if not all women would be pissed if we were flies on the wall, when the fellas got together and it was brought up that we 'didn't know how to suck dick'. WHAT??? It would be like "I Sucked the HELLLLLLLLLL out of that niggas little ass dick!" LOL I guess in the male/female world somethings are just going to be unknown on the opposite side of the fence. I speak for myself when I say...I can FUCK THEE hell out of a dick, and I HAVE NO GAG REFLEX! WHAT?! Now....with that being said...if your dick is little, and you have no stamina-be sure to tell your boys that so that can make an accurate decision about what popped off! LOL

"The Foot Man"

In February 2007, I decided to step my hustle game up. I'm a very resourceful female and I can figure out how to get shit done. I was surfin the net one day, and I came across an ad. "FOOT MAN LOOKING". I decided to peek inside and see what the business was. His ad seemed....normal, I guess. It read 'mixed male, looking to worship a woman's pretty feet'. Huh? I scrolled down a little lower in his post and noticed the compensation area {$200}. Not bad for letting someone 'worship my feet'. I decided to send this weirdo an email to inquire more.

He described himself and sent a photo.

HE WAS/IS FUCKIN GORGEOUS! 6'7, biracial, grey eyes, goatee...football player type nigga. Something has got to be wrong with this dude. I was still Skeptical to say the least. Turns out...this guy is so shy. Shy to the point where, if I had touched him, he may have passed the fuck out. I emailed him for about a week, before we decided to meet. We met at a neutral location. We had a couple of drinks to break the ice, I guess.

He expressed to me that he has loved feet for a long time. Something about pretty toes turned him on. {Now at this point, I must admit, I'm secretly thinking about fucking THEE shit out of this nigga} 'Foot Man' told me about his home life, which seemed pretty lame. He has a g/f that doesn't understand his fetish...not to say that I did either, but I was just more open to understanding it. He went on to describe what he wanted from me...."Red toes, and soft soles". Simple. Sweet.

Now at the moment, my toes were Watermelon Pink...he said it was 'acceptable', LOL. After warming up, I decided that he was sane enough. He slid me an envelope with $300 in it. I asked why the tip, and he said that he knew my 'toes' would be worth it. I felt like a pair of feet with no body attached to them, but what-the-fuck-ever, because I was like, I can buy some bad ass boots for these feet! LOL Anyway, we make it back to his place. VERY NICE HOME! Large, clean, well decorated. His bitch may be lame, but she has a sense of style similar to mine. We went up to his bedroom, and I was nervous as hell, but that soon left. I realized that I could kill the fool if need be. He was like a scared bunny rabbit. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a blunt. He said it would calm his nerves so that he could 'perform'. I'm like whatever nigga, do you. I chilled. He asked me to lay on the bed and take off my shoes and socks. I complied. I'm wet as hell, cause I know this nigga is PACKING!! I'm ready. He finishes his blunt, and lays across the bottom of the bed and stares at my feet. He asked me to wiggle my toes...I did. This nigga started growling like a bear. LOL He took off his clothes and DAMN! There it was! I swear it was glowing. 9 inches of dick...thick and hard. Mmmmm. He started rubbing my feet, and sweating while he was jacking off. I'm in awe, but only for a moment. It dawned on me...my pussy ain't getting shit...he wants my fuckin feet. I lay there....LOST.

15 minutes later-it was over. He was so excited, and I felt truly ripped off, $300 and all. I wanted that muthafucka...bad. I eventually accepted the fact the feet were his thing. Point. Blank. Period. I was there to render a service, and I did just that.

I see 'Foot Man' on the regular. He pays well, what can I say? 15-20 minutes of foot rubbing...no sweat involved? Shiiiiit...he calls and I'm there, no questions asked. The moral of this story is....A dude can be fine as hell, with a 9 inch dick, and only want your feet...if he's paying GIVE THEM TO HIM!!

The Roof...The Roof...The Roof is on FIRE!!!!!!

<---DO U SEE THAT SHIT??

So, in all of my flawed beauty, I've decided to call out a few others. Yes, Mass-Mutha-Fuckin-Destruction. Quite a few people have pet peeves. Smoking. Lying. People that smack while they eat.....the list goes on and on. My ultimate would have to be "HoodRats". Not your average, run of the mill "HoodRats" either. I mean "HoodRats" who are in denial about being what they are to the rest of the free world. I know of this one chick, {I refuse to classify this chick as a friend, because I only surround myself with the VERY best} who is decent lookin in the face, but if it weren't for her enourmous ass, she would be just 'Aiight'. She has 3 baby daddy's, 4 children, lives with a friends parents, and has no job. BUT-she manages to keep her fuckin hair laid!! I mean Cool C, straight from the city LAID! I know you're wondering "so-the-fuck-what", but her weave is always at the least 3 different colors! Come on man!! Your babies are always dirty, you have no crib, and you can manage to purchase 3 packs of weave? Forreal?

Now, I saw a photo of her on a 'social site' that shall remain nameless, and there she was 3 colors in her head, middle fingers in the air with the caption 'CLASSY' underneath the photo!!! CLASSY!!!??? WHAT?? Um-no! I feel my blood boiling and I just need to leave that shit alone.

Moving on to the actual purpose of this blog...."Fire". "Fire" is this broad, that I met through one of my closest friends. My friend has a huge heart, and basically felt sorry for this chick, so she became cool with her. "Fire" is the epitomy of a "HoodRat"...in my eyes, even if my eyes were closed. LOL She believes with all of her heart and soul, that she is THEE SHIT! So let me put it out here like this: If you live out of your trunk, steal bras{yes BRAS}, burn your man{Hence the name FIRE}, believe you are pregnant by another nigga, and fuck a plethera of niggas on the REGULAR who are not cashing out on you...you mos def qualifiy for "HoodRat" status! Not to mention this chick talks loud even when she whispers...Oh my god! I need my 'pressure pills' cause a bitch is dyin right now!! If you're a "HoodRat", know that and embrace that shit. Just stay the fuck away from me!

I know some of you all are wondering if I think I better than other people. I reply with a resounding YES!!! I do my dirt, yes indeed I do, but I know my role. I keep my mouth shut when need be...people can read a classy chick by just looking at her eyes. I don't need to get loud to get noticed. I have a college degree. I speak in complete sentences. Yeah, you see me.

I would like to end this entry with this-If people stay away from you it's for a reason. Look within and correct it. Bottom line-I truly with there was an EXTERMINATOR for "HoodRats"....they make my fuckin skin crawl, and my stomach turn. If you're offended...you JUST might be one!